Times are a changing. Sweets are sold by the hundred gram rather than by the quarter. Shops are getting fined for weighing fruit and veg in pounds and ounces only. There are now 100 seconds in a minute and 10 hours in a day. Eventually, the time will come when lager is sold in litres rather than pints. And for the average pisshead that's great news! Imagine a world where you can only hold your drink with two hands or get a drink in a really tall glass or something. If this sounds good then you may be a drunk already. Use this test to confirm...

1. Where do you do the majority of your drinking in an average week?

Dahn the pub In a nightclub At home

2. What is your favourite pub snack?

Phwoar. A bag of pork scratchings, mate.
A lovely bag of crisps.

3. Have you ever stolen anything from a pub or bar when inebriated? For example, a bar stool.

Yes.
No.

4. What do you see?



A rabbit.
A duck.

5. What is the colour of the writing?

blue

blue.
red.

6. If someone offered you a blow job, would you...

Hand over the fiver and undo your fly?
Drink it?

7. Absinthe is banned in the UK. But what proof is it?

% proof

8. A philosophical question now. How would you describe this picture?



Completely empty.
Not full.

9. Have you ever managed to hold back the sickness for at least five minutes to get to the toilet, only to vomit on the floor when you get there?

Yes, but I was darn close!
No. I'm never sick.

10. What type of feeling does this picture provoke?



Nausea.
Craving.

11. Which would you rather be?

Alone but completely pissed.
In company and slightly merry.

12. Do you know a good hangover cure?

No.
No.

13. Which of the following is stronger?

Skol Lager Shandy Lager Top

14. Re-type this sentence exactly as it given.

I am not drunk but I cannot type for shit.

Type it in here (without the fancy colours and sizes obviously):


15. And finally, do you like the taste of alcohol?

No, but I like the effect.
No, but it's better than water.

Am I a drunk? >