Hello and welcome to a very special edition of 'Are You A...?'. Here we present THIRTY questions to fully determine whether you are a Northern Bastard or a Southern Fairy. Now, let's get one thing straight, north in this test is defined as anywhere above and including Manchester. Birmingham is too far south to be north, if you know what I mean. I bet you all can't wait to get cracking so let's begin.

1. Do you live in the north or south of England?

Neither.
I'm not telling.

2. What is this?



Settee Sofa Couch

3. Which one of these makes the most sense?

Get dahn those apples and pears, the wife!	Some monghead's twocced me bike!

4. Look out your window. What is the main thing you see?

Houses.
Sky.

5. Do you support Manchester United?

No.
Yes.

6. What is the main ingredient of this?



Pork Fat Blood

7. Read this sentence. Complete the translation.

Christ! I've got a pain in me Gregory!
Oh dear! I seem to have a pain in the !

8. Have you ever been to Skegness?

Aaah, Butlins!
Where?

9. Which is closer to your house?

Why it's Asda Somerfield A corner shop !

10. What is this a picture of?



Dad!
A miner.

11. Pick.

Mam.
Mum.

12. What is your favourite heavily salted snack treat?

Crisps.
Nuts.

13. Here is a map of the UK. In which region is Exeter located?



9 12 7

14. What do you usually have for your Sunday dinner?

Lamb/Nothing special
Chicken/Beef

15. We're halfway there! Sick of this yet?

Why couldn't it just be fifteen questions like all the others?
No. I. am. having. fun. Really.

16. What sort of feeling does this symbol provoke?



Hate.
Fear.

17. Complete this common pub name:

The Red

18. The population of London is greater than that of Scotland.

True dat, true.
Och no, jimmy.

19. Does your street end in a cul de sac (or near as dammit)?

No.
Yes.

20. Which of these pictures do you think is the funniest?



21. What did you use as a jack-o-lantern when you went trick or treating as a kid?

A Pumpkin.
A Turnip.

22. Do you eat chips out of newspaper or on a plate?

The Evening Gazette.
Our finest china.

23. Where is this?



Bournemouth Great Yarmouth Brighton

24. Complete this pie species:

A lovely Meat and pie all to mesel'!

25. Do you own a MiniDisc player?

Yes.
No.

26. Click on the sound samples. Which is correct in your opinion?



27. Do you prefer baths or showers?

Showers.
Bath.

28. Have you ever told a complete stranger to fuck off?

Yes.
No.

29. Is this man a northerner or a southerner?



Yawkshireman.
Cockerney.

30. Yes! Last one! Isn't Ken Dodd shit?

Yes!
No.

Am I a Northern Bastard or a Southern Fairy? >